A Lesson Learned (Rated PG-13 for coarse language)

Since I've only been in this parenting rodeo for a couple of years now, I will admit that at certain times I still have things to learn.  For instance, I have learned that adding an apple slice to a grilled cheese sandwich can invoke gagging and near vomiting to an unsuspecting child.  I have learned that goldfish crackers cannot only cure headaches and tummy aches but also heart aches.  I have also learned that there is no point in talking about future events with someone who measures the passing of time by 'what's coming on next on Treehouse'.  Tonight I learned something else: Don't talk about Santa's super powers or more correctly, don't sing about them and for the love of Christmas, don't embelish the story.  Earlier this evening when Halle was having a bath I asked her if she wanted to sing some Christmas songs.  I thought I would start with the secular, Ho Ho Ho nonesense and work myself into a nice rendition of 'O Holy Night' as not to take away too much from this season of capitalism.  Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer - no problem.  Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - only Alan objected.  Jingle Bells - everyone sang along.  Santa Claus is coming to Town - colossal melt down with a touch of paranoia.  Apparently Halle actually listens to the words and perhaps the slight emphasis I added on the 'he knows if you've been good or bad' helped drive home the message.  She wanted to know how Santa knew if she was good or bad.  I foolishly told her that Santa sent elves to watch the all girls and boys and then went back to the North Pole every night to report back to Santa.  Then, and I'm not sure what the h$ll possessed me to do this, but I asked Halle if she had ever seen an elf in our house.  (Doesn't Hallmark sell something like that in a box?!?! The Elf on the Shelf?!?! Well, $#^%#@ you Hallmark for putting that idea in my head.  And there goes the 'G' rating.)

Halle jumped up from the bath yelling 'Momma!  Momma! Out! Out! and when I took her out of the tub she kept looking at the bathroom door, shaking, yelling at me to pick her up.  She didn't want her feet to touch the floor.  She was petrified of an elf being in her house without her knowing about it.  SCARED TO DEATH!
(Again, ##$##$ you Hallmark.)  She was half crying and didn't want her bedtime snack.  When we got to her room she calmed down a bit and wanted me to read her 'Buddy the Blue Nose reindeer'.  I skipped the part about the elves.  I stayed with her until she fell asleep.  Hopefully she does not wake-up tonight.

So the lesson here is Elves suck and so does Hallmark.